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Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several hardships, which I admire. Yet, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle drifted away then, since they had been only interested in her husband. This surprised her. She put in increased attention to be my friend, likely realised better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, many in her circle have disappeared without her being sure why. Her previous job became hostile, despite the fact that she was very skilled at her work, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, we've both retired so we're spending each other more, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I start subjects and she changes them to her own topics. Regarding political views, she has unyielding views. My effort is to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She is arranging a vacation abroad I know well on several occasions even called home previously. I attempted to provide insights, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially solely sought me to confirm her decisions. I've just come back from four weeks in that place and she wants to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she can understand the impact of how she acts on my confidence. At this point, my state is pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, but it is rarely the easy answer we hope for. But confrontation aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern in your conversations. Aim for this to be based on facts like what a recording device would replay. Next involves sharing her how it affects you emotionally. There should be no argument about this. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. The third step is to question how you are both can shift the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to hear that. One effective method is telling your friend:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for a set time."

It's wildly successful for promoting better communication.

Closing Considerations

This person could ignore all you say, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative of their life they won't abandon since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no thoroughfare in such cases, mere obstacles. However, she might start out defensively before reflecting about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you peace knowing you were honest with her.